My take on Depression…..
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I’ve lost my way once, twice, honestly more times than I care to remember, probably on a par with the times I’ve almost lost my temper. I’ve revisited past memories, ripped open old scars I should have forgotten before life became pain I draped, dragged around.
I became trapped amongst the past, lived amidst my ghosts I couldn’t put to rest.
Rattled bones I should have let sleep, said my goodbyes without releasing my grip.
This grief wrapped itself silently, tightly around me, it didn’t leave but became the demon that stalked me. How do I deal with loss I felt with my soul, wrenched like it was my time to go.
Did I hide my true feelings, covered them in smiles. Do I only see the foggy remnants now I’m almost half blind. Did my past chip away piece upon piece until the cracks blatantly showered ones broken dreams.
Now it’s too hard to hide, true tears replace the fake highs. You can’t read a book until you’ve turned the last page but its surprising what you hide behind the doors of your gaze. Did my eyes give me away, did you hear me sob behind the noise that I’d made, did I not light up when night became dawn, did i seek shadows the sun couldn’t find.
Did my poker face finally reveal cards close to my chest or the words I’d wrote shout louder than voice. Did you feel my battles I’d wrestled and fought. Am I still the hero now I’m battered and bruised, does courage now resemble the cape that I’ve used …….
Everybody needs time to recharge. Pity it took two decades & counting for mine.
By,
Lee David Wright
Inside My Mind. My Darkest Journal 