So after writing my My Darkest Journal I wanted to write a conclusion of some kind. I have and all the poems, well the titles wrote a piece I’m kinda proud of because they all paint some kind of picture that I didn’t see forming. Would you like to read it, it’s a powerful piece of truth and positivity. I’d like to thank you for being part of this journey, my story, one that almost took me to a place I almost ended everything. Hold in there, Ask for the Help, you can do this.
I kinda thought I was a lost cause, dragged my shit around until I’d had enough and thought you know what, fk this and I just let go. I felt the weight pulling me into pieces that rearranged a picture, forming a different image I wasn’t seeing.
Slowly, stealth like, camouflaged out of mine, your sight. Crept in, silent, tippy toed, waited, rested and moved in without telling me. Like a disease it spread infection until it slept in my head. It became part of me, that sad, dark part, I started hearing it in my voice when I spoke. Felt it clench my fists, like an angrier version of the person who is Me.
It spoke to me in nightmares whilst I was wide awake, I kept ignoring it until it made my mind shake. I became that demon despite still being Me to you and my heart was finally beating beats to a totally different tune. All of a sudden I think my soul started shouting, this resident that squatted inside me was no longer welcome. It started grabbing words from inside me, made me write them like my soul was crying. Words poured, feelings grew, storm clouds gathered as the demon realised it was now locked in battle and I wasn’t going too give in lightly.
This darkness that tried to settle, whatever it was it was there without good intentions. Like a possession I started silently screaming, if I hadn’t it would have surely beat me. A powerful force you just can’t see, one that infects all the best parts of you.
A scarey place that enables you to live for a while amongst the chaotic, confused thoughts. Brings back the ghosts you’d learnt to live without. A blanket that covers you and let’s the sadness wrap its grip tightly whilst you slip without notice.
A Stronger Version of Yesterday’s past, the one that climbs the Unobtainable Peaks , sidesteps the pitfalls, writes your Darkest Journal in Invisible Segments until you realise you didn’t give into this Hell on Earth, you powered through this Roller Coaster , The Journey . Underneath it all you coped somehow with Yesterday’s Feelings and your darkness was Replaced by Sunsets. A Scarey Brilliant Sadness that fell into my Darkest Journal. I’ve learnt I can deal with anything even mend the Missing Pieces. This Sad World we live in, the Ghosts of Yesterdays Past, you Learn how to use it. Even when the Bullets land on your door step. The Dark Tones that try Shackle You , their Aims that hit but fall when you sidestep it all. You’ve got to Carry On , Carry the Love, A stronger Version even When Your Eyes Closed. When you wash your Demons in Sunlight it’s then your demons have left and you look back with a smile on your face.
Lee David Wright