Lifes a personal diary…..
I’ve added pieces to my puzzle, rearranged a few more than a couple. Scratched my head in pure confusion when those edges didn’t fit completely.
Flipped the board in anger when my attitude didn’t like the answer, dangerous attempts to change life’s attention when it all came crashing around me.
Dissappeared into shadows when life didn’t work out how I’d hoped for. Lost myself in the chaos whilst the crazy mess mixed with the madness. Not a great mixture to be a part of but it made me the man who today writes the words your now reading.
I’ve been quiet for a large portion of my life, open my mouth and the words just don’t find their way out. Give me a pen, a notebook, I’ll write until the day ends, pick it back up the day after, carry on with the feelings I now file into my journal.
Somebody reads the words that flow out of me, wow that’s a great written story, they don’t realise they’ve actually just read a part of my very own personal diary. It’s all about me, the issues, the upset, depression and the nightmares that are me.
I’d be a rich man had I received royalties for every time people asked how I was feeling, my answer, yeah I’m fine thanks, unable to answer for fear of totally ending a conversation before it even gets started.
Hard to apologise for questions asked unable to find words that relate to me and how I’m feeling. Easier too shrug those shoulders, ask them the same question whilst smiling just to deviate a reply I don’t know how to answer.
Life’s misery, the sad moments, all come rushing. I might be screaming inside but I’ll still smile right at you and say, “I’m fine”. Life’s lessons broke me into so many different pieces, my job was to rearrange the shards into a more meaningful, manageable picture. Rather that than relive the actual full length feature.
I have fell further than I ever imagined, walked back out, brushed it off, smiled, carried on. I’m not superman, I haven’t got powers but I’m the one who didn’t let life beat me like it tried to, it danced around, savagely tried to make me buckle, it didn’t try hard enough because I’m still searching for that better version. Maybe I taught life a lesson,I didn’t shout but it certainly heard me.
The mind, the heart, the soul, thoughts, pain, smiles, upset, frowns, the journey, its all part of real true story, those moments,the sorrows, the glory. Whatever we go through, it’s all about you, me, them, us, a huge massive adventure we’re all part of.
If everyone’s story began and ended the same, well that would be kind of lame and well such a shame. Take part in this story, one day look back, relive the memories and if you catch yourself smiling well I hope I smiled back right at that moment.
Lee David Wright