Hell on Earth…..
I can take you to places you’ll have nightmares about, break what you thought unbreakable, make your silence shout out,loud and abusive, upset the balance where your world collapses into shard jagged pieces, leaving you thinking what the hell you’d just witnessed.
Been on some extreme journey’s that left me destroyed,unstable, falling into chaos not mediocre but deadly and vicious. Looked to the heavens and screamed out his name, head rattled whilst going insane. Smiling right at you whilst this demon stood laughing, watched has I bled, battered, half blinded, misguided and shattered.
Glared into my darkness, reckless thoughts, fell lower than I thought I could possibly fall, chased the false smiles I mistook for happier ones. Dark tones that blocked out the sun and the memories I’m desperately trying to find. Takes hold of your heart, leaves you feeling alone, depression is never going to make a great friend no matter how firmly it holds onto your hands, always breaking away at the strongest of minds, I’ve certainly been forced to battle with mine.
It’s like a second sneaky fake version of the shadows inside each and every one of us. One that lacks the positives, thrives from the negativity of life’s scary misery. Twists reality prepares to snatch your favourite memories. The darkness becomes darker than any dark you’ve stumbled through.
You don’t want to stay here too long, that much I promise you.
This isn’t for the fainthearted, a constant reminder, it’s black like walking around with both eyes firmly closed tightly, gets worse the further you venture, mind bending, stretches the truth, mixes it up and by the time you get back your totally confused, unable, detached, unavailable and broke.
If God truly does exist then I’m scared of what I must have once done, if this is my punishment then I’ve got to admit he’s certainly darker than I ever imagined, I’ve apologised to something I can’t even see but he either doesn’t exist or he’s not completely finished with me. Whichever it is, his mercy forgot and the punishment raged totally changing my life.
If heaven truly is amongst the stars, then hell is definitely where I’ve battled my scars, hell on earth and the horrors I’ve lived. Maybe I’ve already died in a past life before this and now living out my curse like serving my prison sentence.
A test that tried so hard to break me, cuts mental scars deeper than any pain I’m feeling. A prison like state lost and trapped in the memories. I’m still fighting battles with the demons within but I’m finally believing I could actually win. It didn’t kill me, it’s hurt like you would never believe, I’m living proof we can deal with all sorts of hell that visit our dreams.
Living with issues, the pain of our past and the demons that hunt and grab hold of our hearts. The images, the feelings, the thoughts that we see when darkness gets hold and the sadness starts fires that burn in our souls. I still search for sunsets, the smiles, the happier times and I do it all knowing I can actually achieve whatever I please.
Lee David Wright