Father’s Day, the hard way…..
I rewind my thoughts, takes me back to the time I was lucky enough for a short time to hold their hands. Right there and then my greatest treasure. My beautiful memories of what meant the most to me.
A special day to you, your lucky, your proud and you get to share your times out loud. Well I don’t, I just remember and if I’m honest it starts to break me right through my centre. I wish life had been nicer, not hurtful like my disasters.
Since they left I’ve lived life like serving a prison sentence, I’ve lost those times I needed to witness, twenty plus years and counting and it hurts just as much as the days that they left me.
I’ve never seen my smile appear from the cards I’d wished they’d wrote when writing was a scribble but the greatest thought, never unwrapped the presents that I knew they’d offer with love, be it a picture they’d made for the fridge, whatever it was. Missed every single photo, every new memory we’d make, the sensation, it’s just so damn hard to live without a love that should have stayed.
A father is supposed to see his children smile, to watch them grow, to play, to mark how tall last years marks had grown. Too watch them become adults. A honour, a priceless gift to be a father, do it for the true love, the very best parts of us.
Unconditional love, the laughter, the unbreakable bond. Without them I’m kind of empty, unfixable, the smiles I can’t smile, the ones replaced with a broken heart that just simply doesn’t work the way that it should, the missing cogs, my children.
So yes I once was lucky enough to be just like a father that some simply take for granted. The times that followed cracked and chipped away at my heart until all that’s left are the mental memories of the times that meant the whole world to me.
Distant fathers who don’t make the time , the ones that don’t even recognise they’ve a child, the selfish ones, the violent, abusive pricks . Well you guys simply make me sick. I’d give my life to spend a single day with mine, to share those desperately needed smiles, to hold that special piece of perfection that resembles you but a smaller reflection.
I’ve been around some real great fathers, I respect the love they shower their children, I’ve also witnessed the waste of spaces that don’t deserve the titles kids gave them. I’m a father to three little angels and it all plays out like a nightmare I’ve lived with.
To all of the fathers who read this, I hope you don’t ever go through my sadness, if your lucky enough then do me a favour, hold your child and tell them you love them, hold them with love and a huge smile on your heartstrings and respect the fact as I’m sure you do, to me you’ve got your own perfect piece of paradise right there in front of you each and every single time your lucky enough to look into their eyes and feel that love. Simply feels like nothing else.
Lee David Wright
I dedicate this poem to my three angels,
Katie, Brandon & Kirsty. I miss you with a broken heart, love Daddy.